His Side

I gripped the pregnancy test tightly in my hand while waiting for Kayla to respond.

Her eyes widened and they kept bouncing back between my hand and face. I could tell she didn’t mean for me to see the test, but thankfully she was in a frenzy just throwing stuff or I may have not found out.

“Kayla!” I called her name.

Still, she didn’t respond.

Her eyes glossed over and she inhaled sharply.

“I planned on telling you tonight after dinner, but you were so closed off and then you just left.” She admitted.

My stomach dropped and I instantly felt like shit.

My eyes went down to my hands and I chewed on the corner of my bottom lip. I had fucked up majorly. What should have been a celebration, turned into a damn nightmare.

“Do you know how far you are?” Slowly I looked back at her.

She lifted her shoulders then they fell. “A month or two if I did my math right. It’s not like we ever use protection so I can’t say for sure.” Her voice slightly cracked and a queasy feeling filled my stomach.

I hated that she was hurting right now. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt, Kayla. She was a good person and often times I thought she was too good for me, too sweet, but I selfishly couldn’t let her go.

“Are you happy about this?” I asked slowly.

I know that the miscarriage still fucked with her sometimes and she still got in her feelings about it. The two of us weren’t trying for another kid right now but like she said we never used protection and neither of us took precautions to prevent it either.

“I was until I found out it wasn’t your first child!” The anger in her voice was present and the saddened look was gone off her face.

She whipped around and went back to cleaning the sink while I stood there watching her. I wasn’t sure how the hell I was going to make this right.

“I’m sorry Kayla. I don’t know what else I can say.” I pleaded.

“There’s nothing else to say, Vincent! You went and made a fucking baby on me! One that you hid for months!”

“You left me. I was fucked up about it and I fucked up!” She spun around and glared at me.

“And that makes it okay?! Even if I did leave you, you didn’t say shit when you found out!  You didn’t give me a chance to decide if I wanted to deal with a baby you created with someone else, right after I lost ours! Nor did you even respect me enough to tell me what was up! Instead, you treated me like shit for months and I had to go find out what was wrong! I can’t believe you would do this. You really went and had a baby on me!” Her voice cracked again and her knees buckled.

I hurried and dropped the test, rushing to catch her. “I hate you.” She cried into my chest.

That stung but I knew I deserved it. I knew she was talking out of anger at the moment so I was trying not to let her words faze me.

Even though I fucked up losing Kayla wasn’t an option. I felt her pain right now, my chest was burning at the thought of her being out my life.

“Kayla, baby you have to calm down. I messed up I know that but you don’t want to hurt our baby!”

“My baby! I don’t want to hurt my baby! I don’t want you around me! I don’t even know why you haven’t left yet!” She attempted to pull herself out of my arms but I held her securely.

“Chill out!” I yelled but she kept struggling to break free.

She was still crying and yelling but I wouldn’t let her go.

I dragged her out the bathroom into our bedroom and on the bed. Forcing her back I got on top of her and held her hands down.

“Stop!” I yelled feeling myself getting frustrated.

She glared at me but stopped struggling.

I stared down at her, allowing my eyes to roam her body. The effects of pregnancy weren’t showing yet, but I was excited for her to get to that point. She was about to be five months when she lost our baby, we ended up finding out it was a girl when she was forced to deliver it.

Bending down I nuzzled my face into her neck and inhaled her scent while closing my eyes. I had to force tears not to enter my eyes.

The thought of losing Kayla for good was killing me inside. I saw it on her face, she was done. She was giving up on me and our relationship, but I couldn’t accept that.

Now that she was pregnant, I hoped she would let me fix things with us.

“I love you.” I softly kissed her neck. “So fuckin’ much baby. I swear, I won’t fuck up again, but you can’t leave me. I love Summer but I hate that her being here hurts you.”

“You went and made a daughter, right after I lost ours.” She spoke sounded defeated.

Closing my eyes I rested my forehead between her neck and shoulder.

“I was hurting and I didn’t handle it right. I let my feelings influence me to do some bullshit and I’m paying for it. I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know-how. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Her shoulders started shaking and I heard her sniffling. Pieces of my heart felt like it was falling with each sound that left her mouth.

“It hurts Vince. I would never do this to you.” The heaviness in her voice was enough for me.

Slowly I lifted my head and stared into her eyes. Just like she sounded a few minutes ago, defeat was written all over her face. It was red and puffy with tear stains running down her cheeks.

“I know you wouldn’t baby. That’s why I love you. I know you’re too good for me. I moved you out here and you trusted me. I should have had more control that night and I wish I could go back to stop myself.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “You’re about to have my baby and I know that’s not a reason for us to stay together but it’s a reason for us to try.”

I loosened my grip on her wrist but didn’t take remove my hands off her completely.

“What if that’s not what I want?”

I felt my breathing quicken. “What does that mean?”

Kayla looked off to the side then back at me. Her eyebrows squinted together and her mouth parted slightly.

She licked her lips and blinked a couple times.

“What if I don’t want this baby. What if I just want to give up everything between me and you and go back home to restore what you broke inside me.”

I clenched my jaw. “You’re not getting rid of my baby.”

“That’s not your choice to make!” I lifted myself off her and this time let her wrist go completely. I kept my eyes on her and I could see the seriousness on her face.

I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. My throat grew dry and my blood grew warm.

“Kayla, before you say some shit to piss me off, I’d stop!”

“You think I give a fuck about pissing you off!” She sat up and glared at me. “I can’t even stand to look at you, Vincent! You really think I want to be tied to you for the next 18 years! Better yet you think I want my child to come second to your damn outside baby!”

“It wouldn’t come second!”

“But it would! Because you made it this way! You and that bitch you created a child with! I was excited when I found out I was pregnant! I couldn’t wait to share the news with you, but I don’t feel like that anymore! I’m sick to my stomach knowing that my baby won’t be both of our first. I don’t deserve that and neither does my baby!”

“All that aside, you’re not getting rid of it. Even if you don’t want to fix shit with me, it has nothing to do with our child!”

She smacked her lips. “But it does because if I keep this baby then you have to be in my life. And I don’t want that. I love you, but at the same time, I hate you. Besides it’s not like you don’t have a kid already.” She closed her eyes.

My jaw began to ache by how hard I was clenching it. My fist balled up in my lap and I released a heavy breath. “If you get rid of my baby, then I’ll never forgive you, Kayla.” She gave me a blank look. “And we’ll never be able to fix our relationship.

She continued to give me a blank look. “Then I guess we’re done.”

She got off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

This time I didn’t stop her. My mind was trying to process what just happened. Kayla kept looking at me like I was a stranger. I couldn’t see any of the love I usually saw on her face for me. Her eyes were cold and unwelcoming.

Lowering my head I brought my balled-up fist to my forehead and closed my eyes.

My stomach was churning at the thought of Kayla getting rid of our child. I was hoping she was just speaking off emotions right now. It was nothing in the world I wanted more than to have her bear the rest of my kids.

Standing up I walked to my closet.

Right now both mine and Kayla’s emotions were high. It was better for the both of us if we had some space.

I was regretful for what I did but hearing her say she didn’t want to have my kid gutted me and it had me ready to say some shit I might not be able to take back.

I grabbed some clothes and put them in a bookbag, deciding to stop by a store and grab some toiletries.

Looking towards the bathroom door my chest grew tighter the closer I got to the bedroom door.

Hopefully, Kayla would be more rational to talk to tomorrow once she’s calm down. I knew she could hold a grudge, but I was hoping this one time she would be able to let shit go and talk reasonably.